SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Holy sore nipples Batman
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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