either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
