Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
