areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
