Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
