You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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