The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
