Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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