I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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