5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
