Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
