this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
