Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
