This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
