Kiss
Puke
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
