I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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