so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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