OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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