K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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