some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
