you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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