now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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