so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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