dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
