Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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