my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize