4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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