Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
