I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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