So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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