You can't special order awesome
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
