So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
