It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
there was a trapeze. enough said
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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