But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
