you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
worst night to have a conscience
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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