One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
