how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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