Betty ford says i'm here all night
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
