don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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