everyone is single if you try hard enough
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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