Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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