Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
