Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
