This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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