i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
