you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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