He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
