cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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