Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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