he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
