I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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