I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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