do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
