So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
