haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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