$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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