My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
