I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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