i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
