I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize