Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Someone came in the potted fern
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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