remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Randomize