Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
