call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
