last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
