yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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