even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Two words: nipple clamps
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