oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
