Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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