Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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