hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
