he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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