my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
