Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
