Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
