It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
