Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
