My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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