I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
