My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
