Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
