that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
