Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
