I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
