ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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