no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
