Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
