i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
