mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
