Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
