dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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