a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
