i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If I die, sorry about rent.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
