Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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