You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
