As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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