who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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