What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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