My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
