the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
