Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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