Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
